FAQ: Prostate Play!
If you drew a Venn Diagram, Anal Play and Prostate Play would have a lot of overlap. Like, for starters, they’re both sex acts that involve the butt area. A big difference between the two, though, is that we have an info page on Anal Play [Link], but none for Prostate Play! Whoops! We’ve been getting some questions about it, so here’s a quick primer on Prostate Play:
What is a Prostate?
- The prostate is a walnut-sized gland connected to the urethra, located below the bladder, between the rectum and the base of the penis.
- It also has some small muscles to help expel semen.
- The prostate is a very sensitive gland. Stimulating it can be a really pleasurable sensation for some folks.
- People born with penises and testicles tend to also be born with prostates. Because of this, it is sometimes referred to as the “Male G-Spot.”
What’s its job?
- The prostate secretes alkaline fluid that becomes part of semen (cum), which helps sperm travel.
|Prostate health is important! Prostate cancer is one of the most common types of cancer in Canada, but there are ways people can lower their risk of getting it. Eating a high-fibre diet and staying physically active can help your body (including your prostate). Studies have also show a connection between frequent ejaculation and a lower risk of prostate cancer, so consider masturbating a few times a week!
What is Prostate Play?
- Some people with prostates can reach orgasm through prostate stimulation on its own, or when combined with other sexual activity (e.g., anal sex, masturbation).
- Trim fingers nails to avoid nicks or tears to the anus or rectum.
- Consider having latex (or non-latex) gloves nearby in case you’d like a barrier.
- It can be helpful to pee or poop before hand to clear out your system. Some people also do an enema.
- Try relaxing. Foreplay helps!
- You can try externally massaging the prostate through the perineum (the area between your testicles and anus aka taint) by using your fingers to rub, stroke or press the area to see what sensations feel good.
- When you and/or your partner feel comfortable, you can try gradually inserting things into the anus. We’d recommend starting with one finger (before trying for more), and using a water-based lube.
- It may take a couple of tries to find a position suitable for you/your partner. It’s always helpful to start slow and build your way into it.
- If comfortable, you/your partner can move your fingers in a “come hither” motion to locate the prostate. It’ll feel kind of like a round bulb of tissue.
- Be careful to not use your finger nails at all!
- You can also use sex toys! Make sure whatever you insert has a flared base.
- Oral stimulation for the anus and perineum can also be pleasurable to some folks.
Some Questions About Prostate Play
- Is it “Gay Sex”? There’s a stereotype that all gay men have anal sex, and that therefore means that anal sex is “gay sex.” But that’s not true! Sex acts are only defined by the bodies involved (e.g., penises going into butts, tongues on clitorises, etc.), not the orientations of the people involved. So prostate play isn’t gay sex if the people involved don’t identify as gay.
- Am I still straight if I like prostate play? Sure! Again, doing a sex act doesn’t automatically define you. People of all genders and orientations engage in prostate play, including straight people. People don’t suddenly become gay or straight just because they do certain things with their bodies. Only you can decide what your sexual orientation is. If you still feel straight after prostate play, cool. If you do some prostate play and think you might be gay, also cool. Either way, it’s up to you and not because of the sex act you did.
- Don’t only really kinky people do prostate play? Depends on who you ask! Anal sex and prostate play is pretty standard for some people, and pretty kinky for others. Kinkiness is really subjective, and depends on the tastes of the people involved.
- What if it feels weird the first time? Maybe it just feels weird because it’s the first time? New things can feels weird when we don’t know what to expect/have built up expectations in our heads. If/when you try again, go slow, use lube, maybe try another position, and just take a second to see if you notice it feeling different. Or maybe it’s a sex act that feels weird to you! Not all sex acts feel good for everybody!
- What if I have a hard time relaxing into it? It’s true that some people can feel anxious or tense about engaging in prostate play. For some people (maybe specifically cisgender/hetero men) having stuff in and around their butts is a new sexual experience. Cis/het men are often dealing with it being both a new physical experience, but also an emotional one, since there’s so much stigma and mental stuff around “men being penetrated.” This can be a lot for someone to work through, so be patient and go slow. Some days you may be in the mood for it, and some days you might not be. There’s no pressure to be great or comfortable with prostate play the first bunch of times you try it.
For more info on this subject, check out some of our other info pages:
- Anal Play [Link]
- Foreplay [Part 1: Link, Part 2: Link]
- Making Sex Feel Good [Link]
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]
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Find out more about the Trans & Gender-Diverse Community Working Group, hosted by LAMP Community Health Centre.
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