Click to talk to a trained teen volunteer.

Flirting Part 3: How???

Flirting is how we communicate when we want to try to appeal to someone in a romantic or sexual way. It’s meant to signal to another person that not only have they caught our attention, but also that they might want to pay attention to us.

Just because that sounds pretty simple doesn’t mean that flirting is easy for everyone. Flirting is often not the most direct way of communicating interest, which leaves lots of room for people to second-guess how they are understanding someone else’s words or actions.

In this series we’re going over  how people might want to think about interacting with a crush. Our earlier posts cover ways we can understand and define flirting and what isn’t flirting, and this post shares ways people can try to flirt with their crushes. Let’s go!

How to Flirt

Honestly, there’s no one way of flirting that’s going to work for everybody. But here are somethings to consider when trying to connect with another person:

Trying to be Comfortable

Feeling nervous or uncomfortable can be contagious. If that’s what you bring to flirting, it might influence the other person to feel that way too. Flirting in a style that feels more natural is a great way for you to put your best self forward.

Having an Open Attitude

Going in with lots of expectations puts a lot of pressure on you and the other person. Trying to appreciate the fun of the interaction between you two can help you enjoy the experience no matter where it leads.

Being Okay with Rejection

Flirting is easier and more fluid when it’s done in a low pressure way. If the other person knows they can say no, there’s less stress on them flirting just to avoid hurting your feelings. For more on being okay with rejection, check out our Dealing with Rejection page. [Link]

Asking Questions

People like talking about themselves (or about stuff they like), and asking someone questions is a way to show you’re interested in them. This goes along with asking if it’s okay to flirt with them. More information is better.

Sharing Your Interests

Talking about things you are into can be a low-pressure way to build a connection. Plus, sharing what you’re excited about is a good way to come across as excited and interesting to the other person.

Respecting Someone’s Boundaries

If someone puts up boundaries (like they don’t want to flirt at school, or they don’t want to flirt on Instagram), then it’s critical to respect that. Don’t try to keep flirting after they’ve said stop. That turns flirting into harassment.

Remember, flirting is a way of communicating between people who are romantically or sexually attracted to each other. The goal of the people involved is to stand out to each other, and also to demonstrate that you’ll enjoy spending more time together. On top of showing off, flirters need to show that they are able to listen to each other, be respectful of boundaries, and be aware of how they’re impacting the people around them. If you feel unsure if someone wants to flirt or what their boundaries are, it’s always a good idea to ask!

Resources

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]

Last Updated: April 2020

  • Title image for guide on using internal and external condoms

    How to Use Internal and External Condoms

    We here at Teen Health Source made some new condom demo guides! Learn more about our info pages and downloadable booklets for both internal and external condoms!

  • Image relevant to mindfulness and sex

    How To Be More Present During Sex

    Do you ever find it hard to focus on sex? Whether with a partner or by yourself, do you find your mind drifting off? It’s very common! This post goes over some of the reasons why and what you can try to do about it.

  • LGBTQQIA2SPGNCNBGQ

    People have lots of different terms and definitions when it comes to understanding their sexual orientations or gender identities. This post helps lay out some of the more widely mentioned definitions, and talks about how we can improve our resources to be more inclusive!