FAQ: Is it true that having “too much” penetrative sex can “loosen” your vagina? Are you supposed to be “tight” when you are having sex?
It is a common misconception in society that having sex with “too many” people makes someone “loose.” Hearing about how vaginas should or should not be “loose” or “tight” can be stressful and be a source of insecurity for anyone with a vagina, which is totally valid! However, contrary to popular belief, the elasticity of a vagina is not affected by how much “action” it has had!
The vagina is an extremely elastic and resilient muscle— after all, it is capable of expanding and retracting during birth. Similarly, the vagina adjusts during sexual activity. When someone is sexually aroused, their vagina releases natural lubrication and the vaginal tissue relaxes. This relaxation and lubrication helps to reduce/avoid pain, and makes penetration easier for all involved. Then after penetration is done, the person’s vagina will retract back to its normal resting state.
Vaginas can feel “loose” for a number of reasons, including:
On the flip side, vaginas can feel “tight” for a number of reasons, including:
Something to keep in mind with this type of stereotype is, tight for who? Generally, the myth is really rooted around the experience of people with penises, and what kind of pleasure they assume they’ll have based on the virginity or sexual inexperience of a partner with a vagina. This type of thinking is based in misogyny, sex-negativity, body-shaming, and slut-shaming. There isn’t a similar myth about people with penises, which definitely says something about our society.
For partners, there are options to explore if your bodies are too big/small for each other and things feel tighter/looser than desired. Sex toys are always a way to complement or enhance a sexual experience. Even for solo pleasure, people with vaginas may want to explore sex toys as a way to experience different types of sensations and penetrations.
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Last Updated: May 2022
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