FAQ: Bisexuality Questions for Bi Visibility Day!

By Teen Health Source

Happy Bi Visibility Day! To celebrate, we got together to answer some of our most common questions about what it means to be bi. Enjoy!

I’ve started noticing attractive dudes, but I’ve never had a gay thought before. How do I know if I’m gay or bi? Am I too young to come out to people?

Here are some questions you can consider:

• What do you mean by a “gay thought”? Are you thinking of them in a sexual/romantic way? Do you feel this way about people of other genders too? What is the spectrum of your sexual attraction?
• Are you interested in coming out? Do you feel ready? You don’t HAVE to come out if you’re not comfortable. You’re also never too young to come out if you feel ready.

Only you can know your own sexuality, and it’s okay for that to be a process. If you’re feeling unsure about your sexuality but you feel like you need to come out, you can always come out as Questioning.

I think I might be bi. I have a boyfriend but I fantasize about girls a lot. What do I do if I’m in a relationship but I’m questioning my sexuality?

Being bi doesn’t invalidate your attraction to your boyfriend or the realness of your connection to them. That being said, it can be hard to explore your sexuality while in a monogamous relationship. So it depends on how you feel. Some couples might stay together and explore their bi-ness in ways that don’t involve other people, some couples might open up their relationship so they can experiment and have sex with other people, and some couples might break up so that they can experiment. It depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. Is this something you’re comfortable discussing with your boyfriend?

As we talk about in the next question, you don’t have to “prove” that you’re bi to anyone. It’s okay to know you’re attracted to people of a certain gender without going out and hooking up with them. So you don’t have to act on your feelings for girls if you’re just interested in being monogamous with your boyfriend. It’s okay to keep your attraction to fantasizing!

I have never kissed a girl so I’m not fully bi, right? What if I’m not sexually attracted to girls the way I am to boys? Am I still bi?

There’s a few things we want to cover in answering this question:

1. Sexual orientation and sexual behaviour are not the same thing. You can definitely be bi and be attracted to girls, and you never have to “prove” it to anybody.
2. There is a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Some people are sexually attracted to people of one gender, but only feel romantic connections with people of another gender. And that’s totally okay! That’s still being bi.
3. Being bi doesn’t mean the attraction is always 50/50. Sometimes you might be more attracted to boys than girls, sometimes that might flip, or you might always feel 80% attracted to boys and 20% attracted to girls. There are no Bi Laws that say you have to be totally balanced in your attractions. It’s whatever works for you!

I want to come out as bisexual to my parents. I have two gay siblings, but I don’t know their views on bisexuality.

Coming out can be tricky, no matter who you’re coming out to. It’s sharing an intimate part of yourself with people, and that can be all kinds of anxiety-producing. But if coming out is important to you, we say “Do it!” 🙂

Sometimes it can help to bring up the topic of bisexuality in casual conversations. Maybe there’s some article you can share, or a celebrity has come out as bi. Heck, even just being like “Hey, did you know there’s a Bi Visibility Day?” is a good way to bring up the subject without outing yourself. This can help you get a sense of how your parents feel about bisexuality.

If you’re comfortable, maybe you can also consider talking to your siblings about how they came out. Maybe they had a process for figuring out how your parents felt about their sexualities, maybe they had similar feelings as you. And if they’re onboard with your being bi, then you can definitely ask them to join you while you come out to your parents. It can help to have supportive people by your side while you do something brave!

What is the difference between bisexual and pansexual?

From like a “Well, the dictionary says” standpoint, the differences are:

• Bisexuality is where a person is attracted to people of two different genders (eg, being attracted to men and women, or women and non-binary people, or men and trans people, etc.).
• Pansexuality is where a person is attracted to people from across the gender spectrum. Pansexual people recognize all genders but do not consider gender when choosing a partner.

Now, it’s good to remember that these are the definitions we use at Teen Health Source. Some people think that the only real definition for being bi means only being attracted to men and women (which is trans-exclusionary), and some people think that being bi means having to be attracted to your own gender as well as another one. And there’s a lot of stigma around being bi (people say it’s just a phase, that it’s not a “real” sexual orientation, bi-invisibility, etc.), and so some people identify as pan just to not have to deal with all the hassle. Again, there aren’t any Bi or Pan Laws that tell you who you have to be attracted to and how you have to identify. We hope that you choose a definition that works for you, and is also inclusive to other people’s identities and experiences.

For more info on these topics, check out our info pages and resources for LGBTQ youth: teenhealthsource.com/topics/giso

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators [Link] or someone at the LGBT Youth Line [Link].

Last Updated: April 2020