Flirting is how we communicate when we want to try to appeal to someone in a romantic or sexual way. It’s meant to signal to another person that not only have they caught our attention, but also that they might want to pay attention to us.
Just because that sounds pretty simple doesn’t mean that flirting is easy for everyone. Flirting is often not the most direct way of communicating interest, which leaves lots of room for people to second-guess how they are understanding someone else’s words or actions.
In this series we’re going over how people might want to think about interacting with a crush. Our earlier posts cover ways we can understand and define flirting and what isn’t flirting, and this post shares ways people can try to flirt with their crushes. Let’s go!
Honestly, there’s no one way of flirting that’s going to work for everybody. But here are somethings to consider when trying to connect with another person:
Feeling nervous or uncomfortable can be contagious. If that’s what you bring to flirting, it might influence the other person to feel that way too. Flirting in a style that feels more natural is a great way for you to put your best self forward.
Going in with lots of expectations puts a lot of pressure on you and the other person. Trying to appreciate the fun of the interaction between you two can help you enjoy the experience no matter where it leads.
Flirting is easier and more fluid when it’s done in a low pressure way. If the other person knows they can say no, there’s less stress on them flirting just to avoid hurting your feelings. For more on being okay with rejection, check out our Dealing with Rejection page. [Link]
People like talking about themselves (or about stuff they like), and asking someone questions is a way to show you’re interested in them. This goes along with asking if it’s okay to flirt with them. More information is better.
Talking about things you are into can be a low-pressure way to build a connection. Plus, sharing what you’re excited about is a good way to come across as excited and interesting to the other person.
If someone puts up boundaries (like they don’t want to flirt at school, or they don’t want to flirt on Instagram), then it’s critical to respect that. Don’t try to keep flirting after they’ve said stop. That turns flirting into harassment.
Remember, flirting is a way of communicating between people who are romantically or sexually attracted to each other. The goal of the people involved is to stand out to each other, and also to demonstrate that you’ll enjoy spending more time together. On top of showing off, flirters need to show that they are able to listen to each other, be respectful of boundaries, and be aware of how they’re impacting the people around them. If you feel unsure if someone wants to flirt or what their boundaries are, it’s always a good idea to ask!
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]
Last Updated: April 2020
For this article, one of our volunteers did anonymous interviews with 3 teenagers all about the question: To what extent does culture and society play a role in youth sexuality?
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