Horny, turned on, h-word, aroused. These feelings can be really fun! Sometimes though we can feel horny so often or intensely that it can be frustrating or make it hard to focus on other things, especially when we are in a situation where acting on those feelings is not an option.
Arousal isn’t something we tend to be able to control, it can be pretty unpredictable and how horny we feel can change over time. There could be times where you are feeling constantly turned on and it’s all you can think about, times where you don’t feel it at all, and everything in between. Feeling horny isn’t a bad thing, so it’s not something that needs to be gotten rid of, but it can sometimes be inconvenient if you’ve got other stuff going on so we’ve come up with some ideas that might help you move through those times where it feels like horny feelings take over and leave you frustrated or overwhelmed.
Chances are, you’ve already got some strategies in place that help distract you or manage your feelings when you’re going through it even if those practices aren’t specifically for horniness. Tapping into those can be a good place to start! Ask yourself:
Pay attention to those times, what you are up to and what else you might be feeling. See if you can notice any patterns. Maybe you can try to incorporate more/less of those things in your life.
Masturbation and self pleasure can be an awesome way to satisfy those feelings. This doesn’t have to be limited to touching your genitals, or all about having an orgasm. You can experiment with different sensations, your imagination, sex toys and more. You don’t have to think about sex with yourself as a replacement for sex with other people, it can be the main event. Take your time and have fun! You can learn more about masturbation and exploring self pleasure here.
Sometimes when we try to not think about something it’s all we can think about. Acknowledging that we’re feeling horny before moving on to something else can be helpful. Call it acceptance, call it being in your feelings, whatever you call it, punishing yourself for having certain feelings doesn’t usually make you feel better about having them! When you acknowledge your feelings and get to know them a bit better, it makes it easier to find other creative ways to express your horniness, like through art or writing. Remember it’s okay to feel horny or think about sex while you are doing other things!
Maybe you don’t have time to sit with your feelings, or it’s an inappropriate time to go and jerk off. Distracting yourself might be a good option instead! Having a hobby or things you are passionate about can be helpful, so something else can capture your attention. Remember this doesn’t have to be something you use to express your feelings, it can be anything, whatever you enjoy doing! Here are a few ideas of activities you could give a go:
Remember the point is just to divert your thinking away from being horny–sometimes just changing how your body feels, like taking a cold shower, can do the trick!
There’s no standard for how much a person should or shouldn’t be thinking about sex or feeling horny. Some people never get horny, others might feel like they’re horny all the time. The only reason we’d ever think about this as an issue is if it starts getting in the way of you living your life. We might hear from our friends, parents, teachers, or through social media that being horny means there’s something wrong with you but that’s just stigma talking. Sex is a natural thing that a lot of us think about and we can’t always control when! That’s why we come up with strategies to help manage those thoughts and feelings in a way that doesn’t make us feel shame. Whatever strategies you end up giving a go, try your best to be patient and kind to yourself!
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]
Last updated: January 2023.
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