Intro to Asexuality

By Teen Health Source

What is Asexuality?

From the lovely folks at Ace Toronto:

Asexuality: a sexual orientation or identity describing people who experience little or no sexual attraction (and/or sexual desire for sexual contact with others)

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, which means that its something that a person feels internally. It is not a choice, but a part of who someone is (unlike celibacy or abstinence, which are ways people choose to not have sex). It is important to recognize that we live in a highly sexualized society. Sex and romantic relationships are central to so much of our media, music, gossip, goals — even kid’s stories and fairy tales. This can be really difficult for asexual people, and they experience a lot of discrimination as a result.

Like all sexualities, everyone who identifies as asexual is different:

• Some asexual people experience some sexual attraction, while others might not have any at all.
• Some asexual people engage in sexual acts. Some are uncomfortable talking about sex.
• Some asexual people like cuddling and kissing and being in romantic relationships.
• Some people who identify as asexual also identify as aromantic, meaning they don’t have romantic feelings and aren’t interested in romantic relationships. People can be aromantic and not asexual.
• Asexual people can also be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc., while still being asexual.

There are many ways to support your asexual friends, family, crushes and partners. Here are a few basic tips:

Accept people as they are.

Don’t ask asexual people why they don’t like sex or expect them to explain themselves to you. If someone is asexual, that’s totally cool and normal. Lots of people are asexual/aromantic.

Don’t assume that everyone has sexual (or romantic) feelings.

Asexual people don’t have (or don’t have many) sexual feelings for others. Keep that in mind and be aware that there’s asexual people are around you at school, work in your family and your friend group.

When sex and dating comes up around someone you know is asexual, check in if they’re feeling comfortable.

You want to do this privately and respectfully so you don’t out them or make it more uncomfortable, especially in a group. It’s a way of showing you respect them and want to make them feel safe and comfortable.

Remember that asexual + aromantic people have close and intimate relationships and feel love.

Living in such a sex-focused world, sometimes we put too much focus on sexual and romantic relationships. Asexual people have lots of important and loving relationships with their friends, family, etc. It’s good to remember that we have lots of different kinds of relationships in our lives, and sexual/romantic ones aren’t the only ones worth talking about.

Be aware and educate yourself.

Its not someone’s job to explain their experience to you or teach you about a group of people. You can find information about asexuality through the internet, books, articles, movies, etc. There is lots of information out there for you to teach yourself. Asexual people (and their allies) put a lot of work into making these resources so they would not have to talk about it all the time.

Below is a great list of resources for folks who have questions about asexuality:

• Ace Toronto Website
• Ace Toronto Tumblr
• Asexual Outreach (Also be sure to check out their inclusion guide for high schools! Think about asking the GSA at your school to organize a workshop or event to spread awareness about asexuality!)
• The Asexual Visibility & Education Network
• The Asexual Agenda Blog
• The Asexuality Blog
• Taking the Cake: an illustrated primer on asexuality by Maisha
• Everyday Feminism: Debunking 5 Common Myths About Asexuality by Adri Tibbs

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]

Last Updated: April 2020