Getting back into the swing of things is always tricky, but after two years of lockdowns and periodic isolation? Oh boy! Going so long without meeting new people can make figuring out hooking up, connecting, or just being intimate a challenge for many. Here are a few tips on dating and relationships as you continue navigating through the pandemic.
On top of all the regular awkwardness that can come with dating, there’s now a layer of concern around catching or spreading COVID. Even if you’re not scared of getting it yourself, there’s the hassle of not being able to go to school or work, having to self-isolate, telling people that you were with about being exposed, or even health risks to vulnerable people around you. In some ways, we’re already a bit used to talking about risk and sex when it comes to STIs and pregnancy. But in other ways it’s a bit different, because that’s not really something you often accidentally bring home to roommates or family members.
When it comes to dating, seeing a new person means that you’re introducing a potential new risk point into your life. There are of course things you can do on your own to reduce risk (getting vaccinated, wearing masks, keeping distance from others). But when it comes to stuff you can do with a potential partner, the easiest thing to do is talk about risk.
So yeah, a lot of reducing risk during the pandemic is going to be about talking. Even pre-pandemic, conversations around sex and relationships could be awkward. It can be hard talking about our feelings with someone, especially when the expectation is that conversations *have* to happen face-to-face. The good news is that a) you can communicate with people in whatever way feels comfortable for you, and b) it’s okay if these conversations are awkward!
It used to be that when it came to have “important conversations” in dating that you had to have them in person. And that’s totally cool if you still want to do that! Or if you’re someone who likes talking on the phone. Some of us also feel more comfortable texting or DMing, and that’s fine too. The goal should be about having the conversation, not necessarily always having to say everything in person (which is especially hard as we go through different kinds of lockdowns and restrictions).
Small talk sucks, especially now. “How are you?” Yeah, no thanks. “Fine,” is no longer the universal default answer, and even if we are “fine,” a lot of us don’t always have new exciting adventures to share with others. So we have to start by giving everyone a break that conversations might feel awkward or not natural while we try to find our rhythms again. That’s okay! It doesn’t make us weird or awkward people, just a bit rusty (or new) to the energy or focus we sometimes need to have when it comes to flirting.
Here are some COVID-related questions you might want to consider asking potential partners, just so you can have a better sense of what risks you might be opening yourself up to:
It’s not reasonable to expect someone to tell you everything they did and who with, especially if they’re someone you just met. Or maybe these aren’t questions either of you are concerned about. You’re not doing it *wrong* if you don’t have these conversations, but if you are someone who is feeling concerned or iffy about taking on any additional risks that come with meeting people outside of your regular bubble, it’s totally okay for you to ask. And if you find that the other person doesn’t want have the convo, or you don’t line up on the same levels of risk reduction, it’s okay to take that as a sign that you’re not a match.
It’s normal if you never had to have these conversations at this level before, so please be kind to yourself (and them) if things feel awkward or unnatural as you try to figure it out. Some people are good at just rolling with new tricky conversations, or maybe take on risks (either knowingly or without thinking about it) without seeming concerned. And some people take more time to process, or are weighing different factors when deciding if the risk of COVID is worth dating someone new. There’s no perfect way to do it!
Speaking of weighing factors, sometimes it’s best to check in with yourself first before (re)entering the world of dating. Even pre-pandemic, having an idea of what you want or what risks are acceptable for you can help you feel more grounded as you make decisions about your dating life. You don’t have to 100% know exactly what you want from dating all the time, but having an ongoing practice of self-reflection can make it easier for you to notice when something/someone is not for you, and more often keep you pointed in the direction of what you do want.
Before you start asking others to offer up their thoughts and feelings on things, some questions you might want to ask yourself could include:
And remember, it’s okay if there’s a disconnect between how much you want to date vs how safe you feel with dating. After 2 years of lockdowns and isolations, it is normal to crave connection with others. At the same time, romantic or sexual contact or relationships aren’t always the #1 priority in our lives. Maybe this means you spend more time getting to know someone through text or video chats before taking the step to meet up in person. Or maybe this means you put your energy into non-physical sexual activities, like sexting. Or maybe this means that for now you put your energy into different areas of your life, or different kinds of relationships, and try dating again when you feel more comfortable. It’s really up to you!
If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]
Last Updated: January 2022
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