The Big Orgasm FAQ

By Teen Health Source

It’s National Orgasm Day! Here at Teen Health Source, we get lots of questions on orgasms, sexual pleasure, how to make sex feel better, and so much more! Here are some of our most frequently asked questions about orgasms:

Q: I’m experimenting with my body more. What can I do to feel different types of pleasure?

When it comes to trying different types of pleasure, you can do just about anything! A lot of the time when people are experimenting with their bodies, it usually means trying different ways to masturbate. And there are lots of options! You can play around with different positions (laying down, standing, sitting), using different lubes or oils, sex toys, switching up the speed and/or pressure of how you touch yourself, etc. You can also explore and stimulate erogenous areas of your body that aren’t your genitals. Try different sensations on you legs, stomach, thighs, feet, neck, nipples, butt cheeks, etc.

If you’re 18+, you can try to mix in other kinds of visual or mental stimulation with watching porn or reading erotica. Tapping into your fantasies or roleplay can go a long way in increasing how good masturbation (or sex in general) can feel.

The only limit we’d suggest is being careful about types of stimulation or play that can cause you pain. If that’s what you’re into, start slow to make sure you don’t overdo it and really hurt yourself. And while locking the door can give you some extra sense of privacy and security, it can also slow people down from coming to your aid in case things go a bit too far and you find yourself injured. Just something to think about!

Q: It feels good when I rub my clitoris, but it just feels like pressure when I put my fingers into my vagina. What’s up?

It’s hard to say what’s up, because vaginas are all different. There’s more to vaginas than just penetration. You can try experimenting with different depths, strokes, size of whatever’s going inside, etc. This could all change the way you experience vaginal sensations.

Some people experience pleasure when they stimulate their G-spot, which is a few inches inches inside the vagina on the side closest to your bellybutton (Try curling your fingers in towards your bellybutton to see if you can find your G-spot next time.). However, many people find that they can’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and need to also be stimulating their clitoris, or that they don’t experience pleasure at all from vaginal/G-spot stimulation. It’s totally normal!

You can try to combine clitoral and vaginal stimulation together to see if it makes vaginal stimulation more pleasurable. If that feels good, awesome! If not, that’s totally okay too. Exploring your body at your own pace is a great way to determine what feels good or not so good for you. This can useful when you want to tell partners what they can do to help you feel more pleasure during hook ups.

Quick Note

Although the language is pretty gendered, Go Ask Alice has a pretty great, in-depth article about masturbation options for people with clitorises/vaginas. Check it out: Link.

Q: I’ve been masturbating and having sex with my partner for 2 months but I still haven’t had an orgasm. What am I doing wrong?

All of our bodies are different, so unfortunately there’s no step-by-step guide to orgasming that will work for everyone. So while we can’t say what exactly will help you orgasm, here are three things worth considering when it comes to orgasming during sex with a partner:

1. Are you in the mood for sex when you have it? Just because your partner is all revved up doesn’t necessarily mean that you are or will be. Try only masturbating or having sex when you’re in the mood, and not while you’re stressed or distracted by other things. Try getting aroused first! You can do this with dirty talk, reading/watching porn (if you’re 18+), sexting, foreplay, etc. Whatever you’re comfortable with and makes you feel good! This can really help your body be more receptive to different kinds of stimulation, and maybe lead to an orgasm!
2. Maybe you aren’t doing anything wrong. Maybe there’s more that your partner could do to help you orgasm. If your partner is interested in your pleasure (and hopefully they are), then they should hopefully be willing to try different moves or techniques that feel good for you. If you’re not sure what feels good for you, don’t hesitate to explore your body. That way you can let them know what feels good (or not) for you (see above for suggestions). If you’re not sure how to explain to your partner what feels good for you, maybe show them next time you’re fooling around.
3. Try to think about sexual pleasure as more than just the end goal of orgasming. Putting pressure on yourself to orgasm might make it more difficult, since all you can think about is how you’re not orgasming yet (which isn’t a sexy thought for everyone). Give yourself time to try to alleviate some of the pressure that comes with feeling rushed and just try being in the moment — just focus on what is feeling good and try to enjoy that feeling. Feeling good is a big part of sex! So is intimacy, warmth, laughing, and working up a sweat. It’s not just about orgasms!

And it’s worth remembering, in general, to be patient and give yourself a break. Sometimes it can be awkward to start new things, including masturbating or sex with a new partner. Try to see if you can think of sex as “play,” as something you do for the sake of doing it and not for a specific goal (like having an orgasm). Maybe one will sneak up on you or maybe it won’t — either way, it could increase your chance of having a good time!

For more info on sexual pleasure, check out these other posts on TeenHealthSource.com:

• Making Sex Feel Good [Link]
• Foreplay Part 1 [Link], Foreplay Part 2 [Link]
• Masturbation [Link]
• Making Safer Sex Sexy [Link]

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]

Last Updated: June 2020