Why Don’t I Like Being Touched? – Sensory Sensitivity & Intimacy

By Teen Health Source

There are lots of reasons someone may not want to be touched during intimacy like sex or cuddling, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still capable of experiencing intimacy with themselves of a partner in a way that feels, comfortable, safe, and fun! This post goes over exactly what sensory sensitivity is, how to figure out if it’s something that you might be dealing with, and some tips for making intimacy more comfortable if you do! 

What is sensory sensitivity?

We all have a base level of how we perceive the world with our senses. Generally we have an understanding of when a smell is too overwhelming, or there are too many conversations going on at once. Sensory sensitivity is when that base level shifts from what we might describe as typical, to something more intense.

You might already know about the 5 senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste, but we can also experience the world with a few other senses like movement (think motion sickness), balance, and something called internal body awareness (like when you’re hungry or thirsty)! All of these senses can be dulled or heightened depending on a number of factors like:

• The environment you’re in (is it loud? Smelly? Unfamiliar? Crowded with lots of people bumping into you?)
• Past traumatic experiences tied to certain senses (e.g. feeling especially anxious when you hear a car horn after an accident)
• Feeling uncomfortable with how your body might be perceived (this can be dysphoria or even just feeling like you’re having a bad hair day)
• General sensory overload (when one or more senses just feels pushed to the max)

How do I know if I experience sensory sensitivity during intimacy?

Sensory sensitivity doesn’t just go one way either, any time you’re not experiencing the world in a way that is normal for you could fall under this category. We usually break it down into two categories: hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity. Basically feeling things really intensely, or not really feeling things at all.

Hypersensitivity refers to when you’re feeling more sensitive to stimuli in your environment, in the context of intimacy, you might notice: 

• Lights
  • They might be too bright, or too dark making you feel disoriented
  • The colour could be different than natural light, causing you to respond differently
  • Changing/flashing lights might feel distracting, or overwhelming
• Disliking certain textures
  • Uncomfortable bedding or other fabric textures
  • Sweat, saliva, or lube
  • The feeling of hair (shaved, stubble, and natural)
• Strong reactions to odours
  • Body odour, including someone’s breath
  • Strong perfumes, colognes, soaps, or beauty products
  • Strong detergents, or new house smells
• Every day sounds may appear to be more distracting or louder
  • Breathing
  • Moaning
  • Whispering
  • Dramatic changes in volume can also feel overstimulating (if someone surprises you for instance)
• Flavours may be overwhelming
  • The taste of lube, or the taste of someone’s saliva
  • Genital fluids, like cum, discharge, or vaginal fluids 
  • The taste of skin or body parts through kissing or oral sex
  • Strong soaps or perfume/cologne left on the skin

Hyposensitivity, on the other hand, is experiencing a lowered sensory response, like things that you usually enjoy or that cause you to have a response just don’t seem to be doing much for you. If these sound familiar, you might have experienced it yourself: 

• Enjoying textured surfaces that can be bumpy or rough (like hair or stubble) as opposed to smooth or shaved skin
• Preferring strong cologne/perfume, or body odour instead of the way someone clean and neutral might smell
• Keeping lights on or using colourful LEDs, instead of dim or natural lighting
• Preferring to use flavoured lube, or even involving food in intimacy
• Having music on in the background
• Having touch be more direct/with more pressure

What if it’s not sensory sensitivity?

It is also possible for you just to be experiencing an “off day”! Feeling tired, hungry, or just not in the mood, are all pretty normal experiences which can be part of the reason you don’t enjoy being touched. When we think about hypo- or hypersensitivity, we’re thinking about patterns of these feelings, or instances when they come up without much reason.

Gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia could also play a part in how comfortable you are with touch. Sex and other physical types of intimacy can bring a lot of new and possibly uncomfortable attention to parts of your body you might not be used to or might not want to bring attention to. For example, someone who is transmasc may not want to have a lot of attention paid to their chest.

Gender dysphoria: distress or discomfort from your assigned sex at birth being different from your gender identity (the gender you were given at birth vs the gender you feel) Common signs of gender dysphoria can include:

• Discomfort with how your body looks in relation to your gender
• Conflict between your gender identity and sex assigned at birth
• Wanting to hide or get rid of physical signs of your assigned sex (These could be traits developed through puberty, like facial hair or breasts)
• Not liking the genitals of your assigned sex

Body dysmorphia: feeling strongly that there’s something wrong with your appearance. Common signs of body dysmorphia can include:

• Intense discomfort with how your body looks
• Worrying about a specific area of your body
• spend a lot of time comparing your looks with other people’s
• Spending a lot of time comparing how you look to others
• Looking in mirrors a lot or avoiding them

If this is sounding familiar to you, you may want to check out our post on  Navigating Sex and Gender Dysphoria that covers it more in-depth!

How do I deal with sensory sensitivity?

Sensory sensitivity is different for everyone, and what might work for someone else may not work for you. It can be helpful to try to understand your own needs, and go from there. You deserve to explore intimacy in ways that feel right for you either alone or with your partner(s).  It might feel awkward at first, but it’s a new experience, and it doesn’t need to be completely serious–laughing about it can even help you work through it together in a lighthearted way! Here are some things to think about that might help you develop tools to work through your sensitivities:

• Knowing your triggers
  • What feels good vs what will take you out of the moment
  • Masturbation can be a helpful way of figuring out triggers alone when you feel safe
• Open communication 
  • Talk about what feels good, even before any intimacy happens
  • Talk about when you’re comfortable being touched (do you need to be in a specific mood, do you need to make the first move, does the time of day matter, etc.)
  • Express your needs when something isn’t right, you never have to “power through” an uncomfortable intimate situation!
• Changing the environment
  • Dim the lights or change the colours if it’s too bright
  • Play music you like or feel is more relaxing
  • Have fabrics/textures you enjoy, maybe there’s a blanket you want or a hoodie you’d like to wear 
• Take a break
  • Body breaks: step back, move around, do what you need to do to feel present in your body again
  • Meditation, try any breathing exercises you know, feel grounded, like the 4-7-8 method
  • Completely stop the activity if needed, you can always try again in a bit, or another day, or not at all!
  • Intimacy doesn’t need to be all or nothing. Take breaks to talk, cuddle, eat, play video games, get some fresh air, and get back to it when you feel ready!

Food for Thought

While some people may enjoy being touched during intimate moments, it looks different for everyone. You may enjoy cuddling but dislike kissing when you’re intimate with someone, or like having someone else touch you but dislike touching yourself, etc. Sexuality is fluid, and the way you experience it can change and look different as time goes on. Having sensitivities doesn’t mean there’s a problem, and some days you may feel more sensitive to stimuli than others.

You might also just not be very interested in physical touch, and that’s totally okay! Intimacy doesn’t have to involve touch to be meaningful; spending time together, talking, doing things for one another, or even little gifts can be your way of showing affection to both yourself and/or your partner(s). 

Further Reading

• Sensory Friendly Solutions – What Does It Mean To Be Sensory Sensitive?
• Teen Health Source – Navigating Sex and Gender Dysphoria
• Teen Health Source – Affirmation Deck

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]

Last Edited: November 2025