Consent: What is it?
Consent may seem like a complicated topic, but even if you’ve never had sex it’s something you’re probably already familiar with. If you’ve ever told a person you’re not a hugger, asked them not to touch your hair, or turned down a handshake in favour of an elbow-bump you’ve participated in giving (or not giving) consent in some way. Consent shapes how we interact with other people, and it’s a crucial part of maintaining our own comfort, safety, and pleasure. Read our Consent factsheet for more details on what it is, when it’s given, and when you might need more clarification on it, but please note it does make reference to sexual assault.
Sexual consent is something we talk about for a few reasons, we’ll list some here but take a look at our info sheet Yes Means Yes: Sexual Consent to learn more:
- Engaging in unwanted sexual activity can be a traumatizing experience.
- There are specific laws that deal with sexual consent including the age of consent (check out our info page on that here).
- We aren’t always given good examples of what conversations surrounding consent should look like (think about how sex is portrayed in television and movies; how often do we see characters asking for or giving consent before something sexual happens?)
- Sex is considered a taboo subject for some folks, and not talking about sex means we miss having conversations about sexual consent too.
- Sex should be pleasurable, comfortable, and fun! The only way to make that happen is by communicating with your partner about what feels good and what feels safe.
Something important to remember about setting boundaries is that we use them to keep people close to us, not to push them away. They help others understand us better, so that our relationships (both sexual and not) are stronger and healthier. While setting a boundary or having one set with you might feel like a form of rejection (after all it is another way of saying “no”), it’s helpful to think of it as a way to say “I really like the time we spend together, and I want to continue spending time together so let’s make it fun and comfortable for both of us!”
Check out these resources for more info:
