Gender Identity: Figuring it out

So the title of this topic is a bit misleading, because for lots of people gender is less something that gets “figured out” and more something that we get better at understanding, exploring, and and maybe even further complicating! Gender can be a very fluid thing and the ways we describe it or communicate it evolve as we feel safer to dig into that part of who we are.

Gender exploration is for everyone!

Taking the time to better understand your gender is something that can help everyone have a clearer sense of who they are, regardless of whether they identify with the gender they were assigned at birth or not. This info page goes over some frequently asked questions that may come up when you’re trying to understand your gender identity: Understanding Your Own Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity.

Here are some other strategies you may think about trying:

• Journaling – keep track of of your feelings from day to day, pay attention to moments that feel good, or feel off, see if you start to notice any gender-related patterns
• Daydream – imagining what it might feel like to wear different clothes, use a different name, or just live as a different gender can help you visualize whether or not it’s something that would work for you
• Talk it out – you may eventually find your imagination only gets you so far, try talking about what you’re feeling with people close to you or with a therapist or mental health professional–maybe they’ve noticed something you haven’t
• Find community – sometimes finding groups of people who have been where you are can be helpful, whether they were questioning and transitioned, or explored and realized they’re cis, there’s always something to learn about what others have experienced on their own gender exploration journey

So why bother?

Living authentically is a crucial part of being a person, it’s that feeling of something just being “right”. Expressing yourself authentically can be an incredibly positive and affirming experience, especially if you’ve gone a long time feeling like you haven’t been able to. Think about a time where you’ve had to tell a lie, a big one, and how it felt to keep it to yourself. Maybe it was stressful, emotional, sometimes even physically painful or anxiety-inducing and the thought of having to keep it in for much longer was too much to bear; for a lot of people this is just a part of how it can feel to be living as a gender you don’t identify with. Now think about how it felt to finally come clean, to get it off your chest! Maybe you felt an overwhelming sense of relief, and got emotional over just how hard it had been to bottle that up for so long. For some people, that’s how it feels to finally embody their gender in a way that feels good!