Outercourse

What is outercourse?

Outercourse is any type of sex that doesn’t include penetration. Penetrative sex is anything that includes entering the vagina, anus, or mouth. Outercourse instead focuses on external stimulation using hands, toys, or your body. This page will talk about what that can look like, how it works, and how to do it safely!

What kinds of sex are outercourse?

Outercourse is an umbrella term for many different kinds of sex. Sometimes you’ll hear these sex acts referred to as “foreplay”, but that’s a bit misleading. Outercourse doesn’t always happen before penetrative sex, sometimes outercourse is the only kind of sex people enjoy! Outercourse can occur before, after, or without penetrative sex entirely. Acts of outercourse can include:

• Grinding (can take place clothed or not, sometimes referred to as frotting)
• Dry sex (dry humping)
• Manual sex (touching and stimulating genitals with the hand, sometimes called a handjob)
• Oral sex (rimming, eating out, blowjobs, etc)
• Making out
• Sex toy use (Vibrators, strokers, etc)
• Virtual sex (using your phone, webcam, or even just texting)
• Simultaneous or mutual masturbation

You might notice that many of the types of sex described (like manual and oral sex) actually include some amount of penetration, that’s because definitions of outercourse are flexible! There are no set rules or definitions for what outercourse has to look like, just like what we consider sex can vary from person to person. What you consider outercourse should be decided by you and your partners based on your own comfort and interest levels. Just because something doesn’t feel like an especially sexual act to you, doesn’t mean someone else feels the same way!

Why do people do outercourse?

People choose to have outercourse for lots of reasons. For some people, outercourse as foreplay makes penetrative sex more comfortable or enjoyable. Often times people aren’t ready for penetration without at least a little stimulation beforehand, and outercourse can help with that. Others may just not be interested in penetrative sex at all, or may be unable to do it because of pain, discomfort, or a disability. Depending on the type of sex, outercourse can have a very low to even zero chance of pregnancy or STI transmission, so partners may go the outercourse route if they are trying to avoid risking either.

What makes outercourse feel good?

Although discussions about what “good sex” is tend to focus on penetration, there are actually lots of ways to have fun, pleasurable sex that don’t involve penetration at all. External stimulation (like fingering, oral, or even just rubbing) can actually be a lot more pleasurable than penetration alone, especially for people with vulvas. This is because the clitoris (the most sensitive part of the vulva) isn’t normally very stimulated by penetration–in fact most people with clitorises require some form of stimulation besides penetration to orgasm. For people without vulvas who might be trying anal sex, external stimulation like rimming, rubbing, or fingering can help relax the muscles around the anus making penetration easier and more comfortable. Outercourse gives you a lot more options to explore, and figure out what feels good!

Have I “lost my virginity” if I’ve had outercourse?

Virginity is a social concept, not a biological one, and you can decide what “losing your virginity” means to you. For some people, this might include having any sexual contact at all, while others might feel it only includes penetrative sex. Many people define “losing virginity” for people with vaginas by breaking the hymen, a thin piece of tissue around the opening of the vagina. The issue with this definition is that sex isn’t the only way a hymen can be broken, and the hymen will often stretch rather than break. It still is quite common for the hymen to be broken during sex, including manual penetration like fingering,but it’s not a super useful tool for measuring “virginity”. This is a reason why outercourse, just like penis-in-vagina or anal sex, shouldn’t be rushed, and should involve communication just like any other form of sex to maximize everyone’s comfort and pleasure.

Can you get pregnant from outercourse?

Technically it’s possible, but it’s pretty rare. Semen entering the body during outercourse (for example, from semen entering the vagina on a finger) can result in pregnancy, but generally sperm doesn’t live outside the body for very long. It requires a direct path to properly fertilize an egg, and outercourse usually involves a lot of other steps in between like rubbing, sucking, kissing, etc. Outercourse is often used alongside other forms of birth control to reduce the risk of pregnancy.

Can you get STIs (sexually transmitted infections) from outercourse?

STIs can still be transmitted during outercourse, though the risk is much lower than penetrative sex. It’s important to be mindful of safer sex practices regardless of the type of sex you’re having. Getting tested for STIs, talking to your partner about your sexual health status, and using barriers like oral dams, finger cots, gloves, and condoms are all useful ways to reduce the risk of transmission. Most (but not all) STIs are transmitted through genital fluids, so reducing the transfer of fluids from one person to another greatly reduces the risk of STI transmission.

Further Reading

• Foreplay: What is Foreplay? – Teen Health Source
• Foreplay: It’s Foreplay, Not Choreplay! – Teen Health Source

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]

Last edited: March 2024.