FAQ: How should I come out to my dad and family as trans?

By Teen Health Source

I’m having a problem coming out as to my dad and family as trans. Any advice?

Coming out can be a really tricky and nerve-wracking thing to do. It is also a highly personal thing, everyone is different, and has different families and surroundings. Nevertheless, here are some tips that we hope you will find helpful.

There are many different ways you can come out to your parents, we can offer a few suggestions but keep in mind that they’re dependent on the relationship you have with your family. Some people like to:

• Write a letter, email, text.
• Do something silly and light-hearted like making a cake, or a PowerPoint presentation!
• Have a face to face conversation. One way of phrasing it could be: “I trust you and you are very important in my life. I have something I want to tell you and I hope it won’t affect our relationship.” This is from our page Coming Out (Link), which has a variety of tips on coming out.
• Make a video, and then email or show it to your family.
• Buy your parents a book about what it means to be trans (or take one out from a library). You can find some book suggestions on the website Transgender Children: Books to Help Adults Understand (link).

You can also consider asking yourself some questions, to know if it’s the right time for you:

• Do you have support outside of your family? (For if you think your family’s reaction is not going to be positive.)
• Are you financially dependent on your parents?
• Would your safety be jeopardized by coming out to your family?
• Do you feel comfortable talking about how you understand your gender? If not, that’s okay. If your parents don’t have a lot of knowledge on what it means to be trans, it could be helpful to come prepared with links, or information you could communicate to them.

If you’re concerned about coming out to your family alone, think about asking trustworthy and supportive friends, siblings, or other relatives to be with you.

Coming out can be an emotional process (positive, negative, or both). It might be helpful to be prepared to feel a variety of emotions that you don’t necessarily expect for yourself. The same can be said for your family, they may not react in a way you’re expecting. This can be surprising but keep in mind that when you first come out to someone, they may need time to process and adjust. If anyone is ever abusive or violent, you don’t need to give them time. But if someone is upset, it’s possible they could come to terms with it.

As we’ve said, coming out can be a complicated process, it can be hard to know what to expect. If they react negatively, keep in mind that support can be found in many people who share your experiences, or respect and support them. You know yourself and identity best, no matter what people tell you, your identity is real and it is valid.

If you have questions about this topic, feel free to contact one of our peer educators. [Link]

Last Updated: April 2020